Election Not Over Yet, Yaaaayyyy!

Our grand election madness still continues, even though all the votes were cast last Tuesday. But fortunately, there is still a Senate race in Georgia because Sen. Saxby Chambliss didn’t get the 50% majority he needed to avoid a run-off in what appears to be a suspiciously European election system. We’ve got our eyes on you Georgia. Hopefully, this will lead to more election madness as leaders of both parties focus all their campaigning attention on this race, because hey, there’s nothing else going on. This could mean more Obama speeches, more McCain grimaces, and more of Palin’s moronic utterances. Cross your fingers America; we’re not done yet.

Politico – GA Senate Race

Joe Lieberman In Trouble

Mwah mwah mwah.

During this election, Sen. Joe Lieberman was John McCain’s BFF. But he gambled and lost, and now he has to pay his dues to the Democratic Party. What happens when a Democrat betrays his party? Excommunication? Public flogging? Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid had some harsh words – what Lieberman did was “improper.” Improper is Democrat code for “we’re not going to do anything.” At worst, Lieberman might (and I emphasize might) lose his chairmanship for the Homeland Security Committee. If this new Democratic majority does nothing else, perhaps the Democrats at least have a chance to stop rimming Joe Lieberman’s asshole.

CNN – Lieberman is Busted

President Bush Congratulates Obama

President Bush called Barack Obama to congratulate him on his election victory over John McCain. Bush said, “What an awesome night for you.” It’s good to see that the still-President continues to have absolutely no concern for his legacy or image.

WXYZ – Bush Still Bush

We Don’t Have Sarah Palin to Kick Around Anymore

Actually, yes we do. Sarah Palin’s not going anywhere, except Alaska of course. But now that the election is over, we’re learning about what a completely worthless candidate she really was, as if we didn’t know. The infighting between her and the McCain campaign staff was no secret, but it was so much worse than reported. She had gone rogue, and that pissed off the campaign. She had also gotten caught in a prank call by some Canadians. But the campaign also had concerns about her understanding of basic subjects. According to Fox News, Palin had some knowledge deficits such as:

• She didn’t know that Africa was a continent. She thought it was a country.
• She didn’t know what countries were party to NAFTA.
• She threw “temper tantrums” at bad press.
• She refused to prepare for her interviews, which was obvious.

Here’s the video:

Now we know that Sarah Palin is an idiot. This reflects even worse on John McCain though. The sole criteria for selecting a vice president is choosing someone who will be able to replace you in case the worst happens. McCain clearly chose the wrong person. Hell, she didn’t even know what a VP was supposed to do.

So what’s next for Sarah Palin? Rumors are flying. One says that when Sen. Ted Stevens wins, he’ll be kicked out of the Senate, and then Palin will nominate herself in his place. Of course, there is plenty of speculation that she’ll run for president in 2012. Perhaps the funniest bit of news lately, is that the Republican party is soul searching and looking for new ideas. For that, they’re looking to their governors, especially Sarah Palin. No, Palin’s not going away any time soon. There will be plenty of jokes for the future.

NY Times – Infighting

The Telegraph – Road to the Senate

Fox News – GOP’s Future Lies in Palin

Election Strategies Revealed

In World War II, U.S. forces created an entire battalion of fake tanks and troops in order to fake out the Germans so we could invade Normandy. Barack Obama’s campaign seems to have utilized a similar tactic. Polls showed Obama had a commanding lead in Pennsylvania, but they were losing ground. Gov. Ed Rendell fretted that John McCain was gaining ground and Obama releases a poll showing McCain down just 2% there. So McCain drops everything and throws all his money into Pennsylvania. Then he loses by double digit margins. It was all a fake. Obama’s team suckered McCain’s into wasting their finances and time in a state Obama was sure to win. Who says politics is no fun?

PoliticalWire – McCain: WTF? Obama: J/K!

Iranian Minister Impeached

Barack Obama’s wasn’t the only election to shake things up. Iran’s parliament voted yesterday to impeach Interior Minister Ali Kordan for lying and corruption. The initial introduction of the impeachment led to an actual fist-fight. This is one of President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s guys and the impeachment puts him one step closer to putting his entire cabinet up for review by the parliament. All this, and Ahmadinejad has an election coming up in June. Ahmadinejad is widely considered to be a religious nut who uses nationalism to keep power and push through his crazy agenda. Just like President Bush. And just like President Bush, he will probably be voted out of office and replaced with a historic figure that breaks all cultural boundaries. Iran will vote for an old white Christian, possibly John McCain.

NY Times – Minister Impeached

America in the Tank: Obama Wins

Barack Obama won the election and will be the next President of the United States. There were lots of tears and shouting last night as the first African-American won the highest office in the land. It wasn’t just a win, but an utter blow-out. Obama has won 338 electoral votes (so far, there are still a few states uncalled), to John McCain’s 161.

It’s widely agreed that Obama waged one of the best campaigns in American history. Rudy Giuliani is probably beating himself. At the Republican convention, Giuliani laughed at Obama for having been a community organizer, yet it was this same community organizing that crushed the Republicans last night.

Today, the sun shines brighter, the birds are chirping, and everyone is skipping. The scary race riots turned out to be nothing more than a few guys honking their horns in excitement. All the racists who voted for Obama anyway because of the economy, can go back to be racist. And the youth vote can be glad that they actually did something of value.

Even with the race over, there is still plenty more speculation to get through. Will Democrats get anything passed without a filibuster-proof majority? Who will Obama pick for his cabinet and staff? What is this rash on my leg? For answers, stick with The Elitist, the world’s best news source.

NY Times – Obama Wins

One More Day to the Election

Tomorrow is the big day, the grand finale, the end of time. After 20-something months of waiting, we can finally vote for the next President of the United States. Why are we doing this? Who knows. According to AnalyticNews, Barack Obama has a 100% chance of winning this thing. The McCain campaign has gone done in flames, forever to be remembered as a racist train-wreck, which is sad for a guy who is anything but racist. Sarah Palin is largely known for being hateful and ignorant at the same time, and polls show that she is personally destroying McCain’s numbers. Best of all, now that she’s on the national scene and has a creepy mob-like following, we’ll never get rid of her.

This whole mess ends tomorrow and we’ll all be sad. But don’t worry, there is already speculation about 2012, assuming there is another election. After all, Obama’s brave new U.S.S.A. may utterly destory our democracy with Muslim socialism.

AnalyticNews – Obama at 100%

CNN – Palin Loses for McCain

Peruvian Shamans in the Tank

Peruvian faith healers performed a ceremony and 9 of the 11 predicted a victory for Obama. According to the latest polls, it seems to be about the same ratio here in the States. The president of the healers association said that Obama was protected by the spirits of MLK and JFK, and presumably others whose names are commonly abbreviated by initials. Now that the shamans have cleansed the campaign of evil spirits, we no longer have to worry about voter disenfranchisement or fraud. You’re welcome ACORN.

Boston.com via Princess Sparkle Pony – Shamans Heart Obama

Great Moments in History

There’s this great blog out there where someone draws moments of history on an EtchASketch. It’s kind of brilliant and they posted pictures from the current election. Here is one that touches all of us.

And here is one of McCain touching just one of us – you know – “that one.”

Great Moments in History