Help Me Wolf Blitzer, You’re My Only Hope

The cable news network’s election technology has been getting increasingly weird and worthless. First it was the electronic maps that were displayed more to show off the technology than to give any useful information. But last night showed what was by far the strangest thing of all. Wolf Blitzer had a conversation with a hologram of Jessica Yellin. That’s right, a hologram. What would possess CNN to waste money on something like this? According to Blitzer, he likes the idea that they can have a conversation without any of that annoying background. In other words, CNN is sending its correspondents into the field, but they’ve cleverly devised a way to act as if they aren’t in the field. Other news stations are working on similar, though less expensive methods – they simply don’t send anyone into the field.

Study Shows Conservatives Have Sense of Humor

HAHAHAHAHA.

A study in Boston found that conservatives have a better sense of humor than liberals. When given jokes, conservatives tended to think they were funnier than liberals did. One explanation is that conservatives are more cheerful than liberals. This makes sense. Any liberal will tell you that the last eight years have left many less than cheerful. Nonetheless, the questions remains, where are all the great conservative comedians? Think about it, there aren’t many. Dennis Miller, Drew Carey, Pat Buchanan…and this list required a Google search. They clearly have more to laugh about (like the plight of the poor), but liberals are definitely funnier. Like this one from David Letterman: “She kept reaching out to Joe Sixpack. That’s because her answers make more sense after six beers.” Get it? Oh man, my sides.

NY Times – Funny Conservatives

Space Race is Back (This Time We’re Losing)

“Hey, this is uh…Haresh from…uh…Agartala?...How the fuck do you say that? Anyway, what can I do ya’ for?”

India just launched its first mission to the moon in the hopes of getting pictures to post on its travel blog for the family to read. The shuttle, Chandrayaan-1, is also carrying payloads from the U.S., Europe, and Bulgaria. Apparently Bulgaria has business to do in space. It’s a sad day when the U.S. has to pay for its space travel from India. Interesting fact though, all the tech support guys for the Indian shuttle are here in America.

CNN – India Launches Moon Mission

Coffee is the Greatest Threat to Democracy

Coffee maker or mammogram?

According to a Swedish researcher, drinking a lot of coffee can actually lead to a reduction in women’s breast size. Said the researcher, “Ccuffffee-a mekes buubeees teeny. Bork Bork Bork!”

This startling news has put the candidates on alert to the new threat facing America – small breasts. This mammary menace must not be allowed to continue. Breasts are the driving engine of our economy. Our television ads use them to sell products, our televisions use them to entertain, and our women use them to get what they want from men. America clearly values boobs. Starbucks must not be allowed to continue the assault on American values. Of course, some organizations want to downplay this threat, specifically the Itty-Bitty Titty Committee, or IBTC. Just what are Barack Obama’s ties to this rogue organization and why won’t he denounce them?

UPI.com – Coffee = Small Boobies

Corporate Space

SpaceX has finally launched a shuttle into space. It’s the first time a private company has launched a craft into space. Not to be outdone, Steve Jobs has promised space travel as a feature on the new iPhones.

Wired Science – Falcon 1 Goes to Space