The Elitist

November 9, 2008

Election Not Over Yet, Yaaaayyyy!

Filed under: Barack Obama, Georgia, John McCain, Presidential Election 2008, Sarah Palin — The Elitist @ 10:24 am

Our grand election madness still continues, even though all the votes were cast last Tuesday. But fortunately, there is still a Senate race in Georgia because Sen. Saxby Chambliss didn’t get the 50% majority he needed to avoid a run-off in what appears to be a suspiciously European election system. We’ve got our eyes on you Georgia. Hopefully, this will lead to more election madness as leaders of both parties focus all their campaigning attention on this race, because hey, there’s nothing else going on. This could mean more Obama speeches, more McCain grimaces, and more of Palin’s moronic utterances. Cross your fingers America; we’re not done yet.

Politico – GA Senate Race

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November 8, 2008

Racist Jokester Busted

Filed under: Barack Obama, Presidential Election 2008, Racism — The Elitist @ 8:41 pm

We here at The Elitist love jokes. Particularly funny ones. So you can imagine how much we laughed at this lady in Florida. On election night, as it became clear that Barack Obama would win, the owner of a Palm Beach restaurant wrote “KKK” all over signs and employee timesheets. She said she did it because it was a joke and she “got crazy with FOX News.” But where’s the punch-line. Haha! The best part is…and this is funny…the co-owner of the restaurant…haha…the co-owner is black. Hahaha! Nothing like a Fox News joke.

Florida Today via WonketteRacist Funny

November 7, 2008

Getting to Know Rahm

Filed under: Barack Obama, Rahm Emanuel — The Elitist @ 10:41 pm

As you’ve heard, Rahm Emanuel has been named Barack Obama’s chief of staff. But few outside Washington know who he is, and then they only know the man on the hill. There is more to Rahm Emanuel than meets the eye, and we at The Elitist have some exclusive facts:

  • On the hill, he is sometimes referred to as “Rambo.” But his friends back home know him as “Sparkles.”
  • He was a Clinton advisor. Bill’s, not Hillary. It’s still unclear how much advising he did for Bill’s personal life.
  • He can lift three times his body weight.
  • He curses. A lot. He’s got a mouth that would make a pirate cry.
  • He is a classically trained dancer.
  • He once sent a dead fish to a pollster who pissed him off. Now that he’s in the White House, watch out for horse heads.
  • His middle name is Israel, which may cause friction with Obama’s middle name, Hussein.
  • He used to have a seat on the Freddie Mac board where, according to Republicans, he personally caused the economic crisis.

So there you have it. Emanuel has accepted the most important job in the White House, next to the President. The more you know!

Wash Post – Rahm Emanuel Facts

NY Times – Old Emanuel Story

Widipedia – Rahm Emanuel

Update: Would Be Assassins Plead Not Guilty

Filed under: Barack Obama, Presidential Election 2008, Racism — The Elitist @ 9:21 pm

You know what Americans hate? Someone who tries to kill their new president. We’re really pesky about that. A while back, some white supremacists were caught making a plan to assassinate Barack Obama. It was a surprisingly underreported story. Anyway, they were going to wear white tuxes, steal some guns, kill a lot of black school kids, and then shoot Obama. Foolproof, right? Somehow these geniuses got caught and now they’re in court. Yesterday, they pled not guilty. This is good news, as now we can watch the hilarious trial and hopefully a live execution. Stay classy!

Wash Post – Racists Plead Not Guilty

Republicans Won’t Budge

Filed under: Barack Obama, John Boehner, Presidential Election 2008 — The Elitist @ 9:10 pm
Hahaha! Its pronounced bay-ner jackass.

Hahaha! It's pronounced "bay-ner" jackass.

House Republican leader, Rep. John Boehner, who spells his name quite unfortunately, wrote a touching op-ed in this morning’s Washington Post. In it he pledges to support President-elect Barack Obama, by fighting tooth and nail against everything he stands for. He makes clear that while America voted for change, nothing should actually be changed, particularly our approaches to the environment, health care, economy, and the war. It’s good to see the Republicans are learning their lessons from Tuesday.

Wash Post – Boehner’s Rant

November 6, 2008

Obama Team Rumors!

Filed under: Barack Obama, Colin Powell, Presidential Election 2008 — The Elitist @ 12:10 pm

Now that Barack Obama has won the presidency, it’s time to start speculating about who he’ll put into office with him. So far, we’ve heard about the appointment of Rahm Emanuel as chief of staff, though Emanuel has yet to accept the offer. Former Clinton chief of staff, John Podesta, will lead the transition team along with some other old staffers of Obama’s. And this just in, Robert Gibbs will be the new White House Press Secretary. This is a prestigious post once held by such dignitaries as Dana Perino, Scott McClellan, and Ari Fleischer.

Apparently, Sen. John Kerry, our favorite wind-surfing loser from 2004, is campaigning aggressively for Secretary of State. But Sen. Chuck Hagel is also pushing for the position, which is fascinating since he is a Republican. No one is mentioning Gov. Bill Richardson, but he’ll probably end up somewhere in the Administration.

The word around town is that Obama will keep Defense Secretary Robert Gates in office, because the Iraq war has gone so well. Keep an eye on Colin Powell for this one, though there is also rumor he’s a candidate for Secretary of Education. A general in charge of education? Hell, why not say the Hamburglar is being nominated for Attorney General?

A lot of boring names are being passed around for Secretary of the Treasury, though right now this is probably the most important post. Oddly enough, people are talking about Warren Buffet joining the team, though being a billionaire is probably more fun. Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. is being considered for Interior Secretary or head of the EPA.

But most people agree that because Obama is black, he’ll just fill all the posts with his homies from the hood. Oh, and William Ayers as head of Homeland Security.

NY Times – Transition Team

Wash Post – More on the Transition Team

Politico – Robert Gibbs New Press Secretary, Other Rumors

Huff Post – Rumors!

Volokh Conspiracy – More Rumors!

President Bush Congratulates Obama

Filed under: Barack Obama, George W. Bush, John McCain, Presidential Election 2008 — The Elitist @ 11:54 am

President Bush called Barack Obama to congratulate him on his election victory over John McCain. Bush said, “What an awesome night for you.” It’s good to see that the still-President continues to have absolutely no concern for his legacy or image.

WXYZ – Bush Still Bush

Election Strategies Revealed

Filed under: Barack Obama, John McCain, Pennsylvania, Presidential Election 2008 — The Elitist @ 11:30 am

In World War II, U.S. forces created an entire battalion of fake tanks and troops in order to fake out the Germans so we could invade Normandy. Barack Obama’s campaign seems to have utilized a similar tactic. Polls showed Obama had a commanding lead in Pennsylvania, but they were losing ground. Gov. Ed Rendell fretted that John McCain was gaining ground and Obama releases a poll showing McCain down just 2% there. So McCain drops everything and throws all his money into Pennsylvania. Then he loses by double digit margins. It was all a fake. Obama’s team suckered McCain’s into wasting their finances and time in a state Obama was sure to win. Who says politics is no fun?

PoliticalWire – McCain: WTF? Obama: J/K!

John Edwards Has Some Poop Problems

Filed under: Barack Obama, John Edwards — The Elitist @ 11:27 am

Populist man-whore, and former Democratic presidential candidate, John Edwards is still reeling from the revelation that he was having an affair. But while we all know that the affair happened, and nobody really cares anymore since Edwards is out of the picture and Obama is the next president, the investigation doesn’t stop. There is still question whether Edwards is the father of his mistress’ baby. He denies it, but The National Enquirer has obtained something that could finally settle the matter: the baby’s dirty diaper. The Enquirer hopes to match the poop in the diaper to Edwards DNA. So once again, it is literally raining shit on John Edwards.

NY Daily News – Poop.

November 5, 2008

Barack Obama Nursing Hangover

Filed under: Barack Obama, Presidential Election 2008 — The Elitist @ 12:31 pm

President-elect Barack Obama is not making any appearances today, presumably so that he can speak with his advisors. But after last night’s partying, and the fact that he was out into the wee hours of the morning meeting with supporters, the real reason is pretty clear: he’s nursing a wicked hangover. He is expected to hold a press conference by the end of the week, at which point all the sangria will be out of his system.

CNN – Obama Hiding

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