The Elitist

November 6, 2008

President Bush Congratulates Obama

Filed under: Barack Obama, George W. Bush, John McCain, Presidential Election 2008 — The Elitist @ 11:54 am

President Bush called Barack Obama to congratulate him on his election victory over John McCain. Bush said, “What an awesome night for you.” It’s good to see that the still-President continues to have absolutely no concern for his legacy or image.

WXYZ – Bush Still Bush


November 5, 2008

Whole World Gone Mad for Obama

Filed under: Barack Obama, George W. Bush, Kenya, Presidential Election 2008 — The Elitist @ 12:14 pm

Think things are crazy here? You should see what’s happening abroad. It turns out, for this brief moment, they actually like America because of our ability to elect Barack Obama. Something about the American dream or blah blah blah. Not only are they excited that millions of white Christians voted for the black son of a Muslim, but they love that we finally ditched that George W. Bush guy, who has been plaguing them for the last eight years. In Kenya, Obama’s grandmother (the black one, not the dead white one) celebrated the news of the victory. In fact, Kenya made it a national Obama holiday. Obamaween, as we’ve decided to call it, will include kids dressing up in suits, gathering around the Obama tree, and giving the gift of soaring rhetoric to each other. Then they socialize something. It really is a brave new world.

NY Times – World Cheers

CNN – More Cheering

October 31, 2008

President Bush Still Around, Destroying World

Filed under: Barack Obama, George W. Bush, Presidential Election 2008 — The Elitist @ 11:22 am

Hey, remember that guy…what’s his name?…leader of the free world or something? Oh yeah, George Bush! Well, he’s still in charge around here even if we all forgot about him. But it’s the end of his reign of terror and he has to pull some obligatory last-minute pardons and laws etc. He figured that his legacy has been torn to shit, so why not give out some gifts to his business buddies. As a parting shot and final golden shower on America, he is pushing through deregulations of things that normally protect consumers and the environment, because hey, fuck them. One of the deregulations would actually make our drinking water less safe. Who’s actually for less safe drinking water? The best part is, they will be difficult to overturn when Bolshevik Obama takes over the USA in a bloody Communist coup.

Wash Post – Bush Still Able to Destroy America

October 27, 2008

U.S. Bombs Syria

Filed under: George W. Bush, Syria — The Elitist @ 12:01 pm

Haha, all you stupid liberals thought President Bush would start a war with Iran before he left office. Suckers. He’s bombing Syria instead. A U.S. Special Ops mission into Syria on Sunday apparently killed some people. Nobody will say what we were doing there or who we were supposed to be bombing, but it’s good to know that our military will forever have something to do. How many fronts is this now?

NY Times – Brave New War

October 25, 2008

President Bush Votes for John McCain

Filed under: George W. Bush, John McCain, Presidential Election 2008 — The Elitist @ 3:14 pm

President Bush voted for John McCain. He hasn’t been allowed to be seen with McCain due to the fact that the world has completely forgotten the President and would be outraged to know he’s still out there. Perhaps most surprisingly, Bush did early voting, which, as we all know, is destroying the fabric of our democracy. Why does President Bush hate democracy, and what are his ties to that terrorist organization ACORN?

Bellingham Herald – Bush Hearts McCain

October 13, 2008

100 Days Left for Bush, Better Get to Work

Filed under: George W. Bush — The Elitist @ 2:33 pm

President Bush, who is apparently still in charge around here, is within 100 days of leaving office. It is just dawning on him that after almost eight years, he better get to work.

“It looks like I’m going to have a lot of work to do between today and when the new president takes office,” the President said last week.

This is frightening. The little work Bush has done over his two terms has all been disastrous. Enron, Iraq, Hurricane Katrina, the economy…to name a few. If he is just now getting to work, what will happen between now and January 20th?

CNN – Bush Doing Work Now

September 30, 2008

Deja Vu

Filed under: Financial Crisis, George W. Bush, Iraq War, Terrorism — The Elitist @ 11:55 am

High inflation, doomed economy, radical Islamic terror, long gas lines, an ineffective President, and an unpopular war that just won’t quit. That’s right, I’m talking about the 70’s. What saved us from all of that? Ronald Reagan! Well, maybe. Er…not quite. No.

September 29, 2008

The First Amendment Protects Freedom

Filed under: Arizona, George W. Bush, Random — The Elitist @ 9:54 am
An Arizona man just got busted for running a whore-house, disguised as a church. John LaVoie claims that this is indeed a church, albeit one in which the “angels” don’t sell sex, but simply comfort the afflicted through the religious act of “laying on of hands.” That’s why they had such Biblical names on their posters throughout the church, such as Oriental Angel who offered “Far East delight.” This man should be given a medal for such profound thinking. If my church offered whores, I would be more ready to go. Besides, we’re familiar with this kind of stuff already. President Bush has been fucking us for years under the guise of religion.


Arizona Star – Laying on of Hands


Bush is Palin, Palin is Bush!

Filed under: George W. Bush, Presidential Election 2008, Sarah Palin — The Elitist @ 4:50 am

I realized something today.  George Bush and Sarah Palin are the same person! Everyone talks about how McCain is another Bush; just “more of the same.” However, it’s clear that Bush and Palin are more alike, so much so that I am convinced they are one and the same. Consider this:

Bush clears brush.

Palin shoots moose.

Bush started the Iraq war after God said, “George, go and end the tyranny in Iraq.”

Palin described the Iraq war as a “task that is from God.”

Bush sees the Russian Prime-Minister’s soul.

Palin sees Russia from her house.

Bush on the economy: “It turns out that there’s a lot of inner…inner-links throughout the financial system.”

Palin on the economy: “There has to be action taken, bipartisan effort – Congress not pointing fingers at this point at … one another, but finding the solution to this, taking action and being serious about the reforms on Wall Street that are needed.”

Bush hired Michael Brown to head FEMA, based on his impressive position as Judges and Stewards Commissioner for the International Arabian Horses Association (a position from which he was fired).

Palin hired her high school friend to run the State Division of Agriculture based on her childhood love of cows.

But perhaps most importantly, they have never appeared in public together. There are no pictures of them together, no joint meetings or any evidence that they have ever been in the same room together. Suspicious! This explains why the campaign is so keen on keeping Bush out of sight. It’s like Batman and Bruce Wayne, or Snoop Dogg and Cordozar Calvin Broadus, Jr.

Here’s what probably happened: Bush spent too much time in Alaska until his balls froze off. So he just ran with it hoping to stay in office. Of course, if this is true, and Palin really is Bush, I have to wonder why I’m so turned on by President Bush.


UPDATE: The VP Debates showed us just how similar they are! They really are practically identical. They even say “nuke-u-lar” the same.

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