The Elitist

November 9, 2008

Election Not Over Yet, Yaaaayyyy!

Filed under: Barack Obama, Georgia, John McCain, Presidential Election 2008, Sarah Palin — The Elitist @ 10:24 am

Our grand election madness still continues, even though all the votes were cast last Tuesday. But fortunately, there is still a Senate race in Georgia because Sen. Saxby Chambliss didn’t get the 50% majority he needed to avoid a run-off in what appears to be a suspiciously European election system. We’ve got our eyes on you Georgia. Hopefully, this will lead to more election madness as leaders of both parties focus all their campaigning attention on this race, because hey, there’s nothing else going on. This could mean more Obama speeches, more McCain grimaces, and more of Palin’s moronic utterances. Cross your fingers America; we’re not done yet.

Politico – GA Senate Race

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November 8, 2008

Racist Jokester Busted

Filed under: Barack Obama, Presidential Election 2008, Racism — The Elitist @ 8:41 pm

We here at The Elitist love jokes. Particularly funny ones. So you can imagine how much we laughed at this lady in Florida. On election night, as it became clear that Barack Obama would win, the owner of a Palm Beach restaurant wrote “KKK” all over signs and employee timesheets. She said she did it because it was a joke and she “got crazy with FOX News.” But where’s the punch-line. Haha! The best part is…and this is funny…the co-owner of the restaurant…haha…the co-owner is black. Hahaha! Nothing like a Fox News joke.

Florida Today via WonketteRacist Funny

Al Franken Still in the Game

Filed under: Presidential Election 2008 — The Elitist @ 8:27 pm
Hanging Chad. Get it?

Hanging Chad. Get it?

An election just wouldn’t feel right without a full-blown, lawyer fueled recount. And ex-SNL comedian Al Franken just might provide the entertainment we all so desperately seek. Franken ran against Sen. Norm Coleman in Minnesota, but Coleman only won by less than 800 votes. Now Coleman has failed in his attempt to block some absentee ballots from being counted, and this means a recount! All the court decision excitement, name-calling, and awesome images of guys looking at pieces of paper that you could hope for. Why is Franken pushing so hard? Because he’s good enough, he’s smart enough, and doggone it, people like him.

CNN – Franken Recount

November 7, 2008

Update: Would Be Assassins Plead Not Guilty

Filed under: Barack Obama, Presidential Election 2008, Racism — The Elitist @ 9:21 pm

You know what Americans hate? Someone who tries to kill their new president. We’re really pesky about that. A while back, some white supremacists were caught making a plan to assassinate Barack Obama. It was a surprisingly underreported story. Anyway, they were going to wear white tuxes, steal some guns, kill a lot of black school kids, and then shoot Obama. Foolproof, right? Somehow these geniuses got caught and now they’re in court. Yesterday, they pled not guilty. This is good news, as now we can watch the hilarious trial and hopefully a live execution. Stay classy!

Wash Post – Racists Plead Not Guilty

Republicans Won’t Budge

Filed under: Barack Obama, John Boehner, Presidential Election 2008 — The Elitist @ 9:10 pm
Hahaha! Its pronounced bay-ner jackass.

Hahaha! It's pronounced "bay-ner" jackass.

House Republican leader, Rep. John Boehner, who spells his name quite unfortunately, wrote a touching op-ed in this morning’s Washington Post. In it he pledges to support President-elect Barack Obama, by fighting tooth and nail against everything he stands for. He makes clear that while America voted for change, nothing should actually be changed, particularly our approaches to the environment, health care, economy, and the war. It’s good to see the Republicans are learning their lessons from Tuesday.

Wash Post – Boehner’s Rant

November 6, 2008

Obama Team Rumors!

Filed under: Barack Obama, Colin Powell, Presidential Election 2008 — The Elitist @ 12:10 pm

Now that Barack Obama has won the presidency, it’s time to start speculating about who he’ll put into office with him. So far, we’ve heard about the appointment of Rahm Emanuel as chief of staff, though Emanuel has yet to accept the offer. Former Clinton chief of staff, John Podesta, will lead the transition team along with some other old staffers of Obama’s. And this just in, Robert Gibbs will be the new White House Press Secretary. This is a prestigious post once held by such dignitaries as Dana Perino, Scott McClellan, and Ari Fleischer.

Apparently, Sen. John Kerry, our favorite wind-surfing loser from 2004, is campaigning aggressively for Secretary of State. But Sen. Chuck Hagel is also pushing for the position, which is fascinating since he is a Republican. No one is mentioning Gov. Bill Richardson, but he’ll probably end up somewhere in the Administration.

The word around town is that Obama will keep Defense Secretary Robert Gates in office, because the Iraq war has gone so well. Keep an eye on Colin Powell for this one, though there is also rumor he’s a candidate for Secretary of Education. A general in charge of education? Hell, why not say the Hamburglar is being nominated for Attorney General?

A lot of boring names are being passed around for Secretary of the Treasury, though right now this is probably the most important post. Oddly enough, people are talking about Warren Buffet joining the team, though being a billionaire is probably more fun. Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. is being considered for Interior Secretary or head of the EPA.

But most people agree that because Obama is black, he’ll just fill all the posts with his homies from the hood. Oh, and William Ayers as head of Homeland Security.

NY Times – Transition Team

Wash Post – More on the Transition Team

Politico – Robert Gibbs New Press Secretary, Other Rumors

Huff Post – Rumors!

Volokh Conspiracy – More Rumors!

President Bush Congratulates Obama

Filed under: Barack Obama, George W. Bush, John McCain, Presidential Election 2008 — The Elitist @ 11:54 am

President Bush called Barack Obama to congratulate him on his election victory over John McCain. Bush said, “What an awesome night for you.” It’s good to see that the still-President continues to have absolutely no concern for his legacy or image.

WXYZ – Bush Still Bush

We Don’t Have Sarah Palin to Kick Around Anymore

Filed under: Alaska, John McCain, Presidential Election 2008, Sarah Palin, Ted Stevens — The Elitist @ 11:47 am

Actually, yes we do. Sarah Palin’s not going anywhere, except Alaska of course. But now that the election is over, we’re learning about what a completely worthless candidate she really was, as if we didn’t know. The infighting between her and the McCain campaign staff was no secret, but it was so much worse than reported. She had gone rogue, and that pissed off the campaign. She had also gotten caught in a prank call by some Canadians. But the campaign also had concerns about her understanding of basic subjects. According to Fox News, Palin had some knowledge deficits such as:

  • She didn’t know that Africa was a continent. She thought it was a country.
  • She didn’t know what countries were party to NAFTA.
  • She threw “temper tantrums” at bad press.
  • She refused to prepare for her interviews, which was obvious.

Here’s the video:

Now we know that Sarah Palin is an idiot. This reflects even worse on John McCain though. The sole criteria for selecting a vice president is choosing someone who will be able to replace you in case the worst happens. McCain clearly chose the wrong person. Hell, she didn’t even know what a VP was supposed to do.

So what’s next for Sarah Palin? Rumors are flying. One says that when Sen. Ted Stevens wins, he’ll be kicked out of the Senate, and then Palin will nominate herself in his place. Of course, there is plenty of speculation that she’ll run for president in 2012. Perhaps the funniest bit of news lately, is that the Republican party is soul searching and looking for new ideas. For that, they’re looking to their governors, especially Sarah Palin. No, Palin’s not going away any time soon. There will be plenty of jokes for the future.

NY Times – Infighting

The Telegraph – Road to the Senate

Fox News – GOP’s Future Lies in Palin

Election Strategies Revealed

Filed under: Barack Obama, John McCain, Pennsylvania, Presidential Election 2008 — The Elitist @ 11:30 am

In World War II, U.S. forces created an entire battalion of fake tanks and troops in order to fake out the Germans so we could invade Normandy. Barack Obama’s campaign seems to have utilized a similar tactic. Polls showed Obama had a commanding lead in Pennsylvania, but they were losing ground. Gov. Ed Rendell fretted that John McCain was gaining ground and Obama releases a poll showing McCain down just 2% there. So McCain drops everything and throws all his money into Pennsylvania. Then he loses by double digit margins. It was all a fake. Obama’s team suckered McCain’s into wasting their finances and time in a state Obama was sure to win. Who says politics is no fun?

PoliticalWire – McCain: WTF? Obama: J/K!

November 5, 2008

Congressional Election Madness

Filed under: Congress, Presidential Election 2008 — The Elitist @ 1:27 pm

The presidential race wasn’t the only election going on last night. There were also Senate and House races, which overwhelmingly went to the Democrats. So far it appears that the Democrats picked up five Senate seats and 18 House seats, though there are still a few races that are too close to call. However, they did not get the 60 Senate seats they needed to beat a filibuster, so the Republicans will still control the country since the Democrats are weak and pitiful. Let’s review some of the more interesting contests:

  • Kay Hagan crushed Elizabeth Dole for a Senate seat in North Carolina. This despite Dole’s insistence that Hagan was a Godless monster.
  • Alaskan Senator, and convicted felon, Ted Stevens ran again. The race is still too close to call (what the hell is wrong with Alaska?).
  • Insane creepster Michelle Bachman somehow retained her House seat, even though she is the embodiment of all that is evil and wrong in the world.
  • Comedian Al Franken lost to Norm Coleman by less than 800 votes. Phew, and to think we’d go through a whole election without lawsuits and recounts.

There’s more, and in the coming days we’ll explore these races and the new guys that make up our Brave New Congress.

Politico – Election Roundup

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