The Elitist

November 7, 2008

Republicans Won’t Budge

Filed under: Barack Obama, John Boehner, Presidential Election 2008 — The Elitist @ 9:10 pm
Hahaha! Its pronounced bay-ner jackass.

Hahaha! It's pronounced "bay-ner" jackass.

House Republican leader, Rep. John Boehner, who spells his name quite unfortunately, wrote a touching op-ed in this morning’s Washington Post. In it he pledges to support President-elect Barack Obama, by fighting tooth and nail against everything he stands for. He makes clear that while America voted for change, nothing should actually be changed, particularly our approaches to the environment, health care, economy, and the war. It’s good to see the Republicans are learning their lessons from Tuesday.

Wash Post – Boehner’s Rant

More Lost Jobs = More Bloggers

Filed under: Financial Crisis — The Elitist @ 3:31 pm

Whoo! The jobs report is finally out. We’ve been waiting for this with excitement. And the verdict is…oh shit! America lost 240,000 jobs just last month, which is more than expected. Clearly, it’s about time to start lowering expectations. The good news: a lot more blogs written by the unemployed. And a lot more people to read them, because hey, what the hell else are they going to do.

NY Times – No More Jobs

Putin on the Ritz

Filed under: Dmitri Medvedev, Russia, Sarah Palin, Vladimir Putin — The Elitist @ 3:24 pm

Russian “President” Dmitri Medvedev gave a stirring state of the nation address, but we like the part about extending the presidential terms to six years, from four. Rumors are that this will pave the way for Prime Minister, and Russian overlord, Vladimir Putin to make a third term last longer. They say Medvedev has been put in power by Putin in order to pass some constitutional changes that would give Putin more power when he returned to the presidency. So it looks like Putin isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. We’ll just have to hope Sarah Palin is keeping a good eye on them.

NY Times – Putin Keeps Going

November 6, 2008

Obama Team Rumors!

Filed under: Barack Obama, Colin Powell, Presidential Election 2008 — The Elitist @ 12:10 pm

Now that Barack Obama has won the presidency, it’s time to start speculating about who he’ll put into office with him. So far, we’ve heard about the appointment of Rahm Emanuel as chief of staff, though Emanuel has yet to accept the offer. Former Clinton chief of staff, John Podesta, will lead the transition team along with some other old staffers of Obama’s. And this just in, Robert Gibbs will be the new White House Press Secretary. This is a prestigious post once held by such dignitaries as Dana Perino, Scott McClellan, and Ari Fleischer.

Apparently, Sen. John Kerry, our favorite wind-surfing loser from 2004, is campaigning aggressively for Secretary of State. But Sen. Chuck Hagel is also pushing for the position, which is fascinating since he is a Republican. No one is mentioning Gov. Bill Richardson, but he’ll probably end up somewhere in the Administration.

The word around town is that Obama will keep Defense Secretary Robert Gates in office, because the Iraq war has gone so well. Keep an eye on Colin Powell for this one, though there is also rumor he’s a candidate for Secretary of Education. A general in charge of education? Hell, why not say the Hamburglar is being nominated for Attorney General?

A lot of boring names are being passed around for Secretary of the Treasury, though right now this is probably the most important post. Oddly enough, people are talking about Warren Buffet joining the team, though being a billionaire is probably more fun. Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. is being considered for Interior Secretary or head of the EPA.

But most people agree that because Obama is black, he’ll just fill all the posts with his homies from the hood. Oh, and William Ayers as head of Homeland Security.

NY Times – Transition Team

Wash Post – More on the Transition Team

Politico – Robert Gibbs New Press Secretary, Other Rumors

Huff Post – Rumors!

Volokh Conspiracy – More Rumors!

President Bush Congratulates Obama

Filed under: Barack Obama, George W. Bush, John McCain, Presidential Election 2008 — The Elitist @ 11:54 am

President Bush called Barack Obama to congratulate him on his election victory over John McCain. Bush said, “What an awesome night for you.” It’s good to see that the still-President continues to have absolutely no concern for his legacy or image.

WXYZ – Bush Still Bush

We Don’t Have Sarah Palin to Kick Around Anymore

Filed under: Alaska, John McCain, Presidential Election 2008, Sarah Palin, Ted Stevens — The Elitist @ 11:47 am

Actually, yes we do. Sarah Palin’s not going anywhere, except Alaska of course. But now that the election is over, we’re learning about what a completely worthless candidate she really was, as if we didn’t know. The infighting between her and the McCain campaign staff was no secret, but it was so much worse than reported. She had gone rogue, and that pissed off the campaign. She had also gotten caught in a prank call by some Canadians. But the campaign also had concerns about her understanding of basic subjects. According to Fox News, Palin had some knowledge deficits such as:

  • She didn’t know that Africa was a continent. She thought it was a country.
  • She didn’t know what countries were party to NAFTA.
  • She threw “temper tantrums” at bad press.
  • She refused to prepare for her interviews, which was obvious.

Here’s the video:

Now we know that Sarah Palin is an idiot. This reflects even worse on John McCain though. The sole criteria for selecting a vice president is choosing someone who will be able to replace you in case the worst happens. McCain clearly chose the wrong person. Hell, she didn’t even know what a VP was supposed to do.

So what’s next for Sarah Palin? Rumors are flying. One says that when Sen. Ted Stevens wins, he’ll be kicked out of the Senate, and then Palin will nominate herself in his place. Of course, there is plenty of speculation that she’ll run for president in 2012. Perhaps the funniest bit of news lately, is that the Republican party is soul searching and looking for new ideas. For that, they’re looking to their governors, especially Sarah Palin. No, Palin’s not going away any time soon. There will be plenty of jokes for the future.

NY Times – Infighting

The Telegraph – Road to the Senate

Fox News – GOP’s Future Lies in Palin

Election Strategies Revealed

Filed under: Barack Obama, John McCain, Pennsylvania, Presidential Election 2008 — The Elitist @ 11:30 am

In World War II, U.S. forces created an entire battalion of fake tanks and troops in order to fake out the Germans so we could invade Normandy. Barack Obama’s campaign seems to have utilized a similar tactic. Polls showed Obama had a commanding lead in Pennsylvania, but they were losing ground. Gov. Ed Rendell fretted that John McCain was gaining ground and Obama releases a poll showing McCain down just 2% there. So McCain drops everything and throws all his money into Pennsylvania. Then he loses by double digit margins. It was all a fake. Obama’s team suckered McCain’s into wasting their finances and time in a state Obama was sure to win. Who says politics is no fun?

PoliticalWire – McCain: WTF? Obama: J/K!

John Edwards Has Some Poop Problems

Filed under: Barack Obama, John Edwards — The Elitist @ 11:27 am

Populist man-whore, and former Democratic presidential candidate, John Edwards is still reeling from the revelation that he was having an affair. But while we all know that the affair happened, and nobody really cares anymore since Edwards is out of the picture and Obama is the next president, the investigation doesn’t stop. There is still question whether Edwards is the father of his mistress’ baby. He denies it, but The National Enquirer has obtained something that could finally settle the matter: the baby’s dirty diaper. The Enquirer hopes to match the poop in the diaper to Edwards DNA. So once again, it is literally raining shit on John Edwards.

NY Daily News – Poop.

November 5, 2008

Congressional Election Madness

Filed under: Congress, Presidential Election 2008 — The Elitist @ 1:27 pm

The presidential race wasn’t the only election going on last night. There were also Senate and House races, which overwhelmingly went to the Democrats. So far it appears that the Democrats picked up five Senate seats and 18 House seats, though there are still a few races that are too close to call. However, they did not get the 60 Senate seats they needed to beat a filibuster, so the Republicans will still control the country since the Democrats are weak and pitiful. Let’s review some of the more interesting contests:

  • Kay Hagan crushed Elizabeth Dole for a Senate seat in North Carolina. This despite Dole’s insistence that Hagan was a Godless monster.
  • Alaskan Senator, and convicted felon, Ted Stevens ran again. The race is still too close to call (what the hell is wrong with Alaska?).
  • Insane creepster Michelle Bachman somehow retained her House seat, even though she is the embodiment of all that is evil and wrong in the world.
  • Comedian Al Franken lost to Norm Coleman by less than 800 votes. Phew, and to think we’d go through a whole election without lawsuits and recounts.

There’s more, and in the coming days we’ll explore these races and the new guys that make up our Brave New Congress.

Politico – Election Roundup

Help Me Wolf Blitzer, You’re My Only Hope

Filed under: Presidential Election 2008, Random, Science — The Elitist @ 1:10 pm

The cable news network’s election technology has been getting increasingly weird and worthless. First it was the electronic maps that were displayed more to show off the technology than to give any useful information. But last night showed what was by far the strangest thing of all. Wolf Blitzer had a conversation with a hologram of Jessica Yellin. That’s right, a hologram. What would possess CNN to waste money on something like this? According to Blitzer, he likes the idea that they can have a conversation without any of that annoying background. In other words, CNN is sending its correspondents into the field, but they’ve cleverly devised a way to act as if they aren’t in the field. Other news stations are working on similar, though less expensive methods – they simply don’t send anyone into the field.

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