The Elitist

September 30, 2008

Kylie Minogue Terror Scare

Filed under: Terrorism — The Elitist @ 12:06 pm
Western Decadence? What Western Decadence?

Western Decadence? What Western Decadence?

No, no, no. This isn’t about Kylie Minogue’s support of musical terrorism. British spies uncovered an Al-Qaeda plot to attack her upcoming gig in Dubai. An Al-Qaeda spokesman said the attack was prompted by complaints from terrorists of not being able to get Minogue out of their heads. – Crap Singer Under Threat


Prosecutor Named by Prosecutor to Investigate Prosecutor about Fired Prosecutors

Filed under: Alberto Gonzalez — The Elitist @ 12:00 pm

The DOJ has appointed a special prosecutor to determine if criminal charges should be brought against former Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez, and some other people. You may remember this whole prosecutor firing mess from last year, where the prosecutors were fired the year before. This is what we call “swift justice.” If this investigation does get some traction, then expect Gonzalez to receive the Medal of Freedom.

NY Times – Prosecutor Named

Breaking News: Pirates Want Money

Filed under: Pirates! — The Elitist @ 11:59 am

That liberal MSM rag known as the NY Times got an interview with some probable supporters of Barack Obama – pirates! Obama has clinched that coveted pirate vote. Anyway, these pirates off Somalia’s coast just took over an Ukranian ship loaded with weapons that were probably headed for Sudan. Now they are surrounded by American warships. It turns out, they didn’t even realize that there were weapons on the ship until they took it over (they’re really not very good) and now they explain they just want money. Pirates want money. That just blows my mind.

NY Times – Arrggghhh

Republicans Shooting their Ledes Too Early

Filed under: Barack Obama, Financial Crisis, John McCain, Presidential Election 2008, RNC — The Elitist @ 11:57 am

Here’s the new RNC ad attacking Obama for supporting the bailout proposal. Oops! Why would the RNC put out an ad attacking Obama for supporting a bill that John McCain also supported and helped get votes for, and that never even passed? It turns out they thrust the ad to the stations before the vote and forgot to pull out. At the same time, John McCain was already claiming credit for putting together a coalition of the willing (ie. those who would vote for and pass the bill). Of course, we all know that McCain did nothing and the bill failed and America fell into a black hole of despair. The End.




Deja Vu

Filed under: Financial Crisis, George W. Bush, Iraq War, Terrorism — The Elitist @ 11:55 am

High inflation, doomed economy, radical Islamic terror, long gas lines, an ineffective President, and an unpopular war that just won’t quit. That’s right, I’m talking about the 70’s. What saved us from all of that? Ronald Reagan! Well, maybe. Er…not quite. No.

September 29, 2008

House Rejects Bailout – World Effectively Ends

Filed under: Financial Crisis — The Elitist @ 3:04 pm

The House just rejected the $700 billion bailout, and stocks plunged almost 7% in the blink of an eye. Let’s review what’s happened so far:

  • President Bush’s dream team, Paulson and Bernanke, failed to do anything to prevent the crisis from starting. As it started and got worse, they did the absolute minimum to stop it. This cost us unnecessary money and failed to have any effect.
  • Henry Paulson offered a $700 billion bailout proposal designed to help stop foreclosures. Perhaps the only thing he has been right about. Both parties complained and turned a 3 page proposal into 110 pages of bullshit.
  • John McCain suspended his campaign to help “solve” the financial crisis. Net effect: his campaign never actually stopped and the financial crisis continues.
  • Due to election year politics, the bailout was rejected, the stock market crashed, the new great depression (perhaps the greatest depression?) began, plunging the world into darkness.
  • Despite Congress’ fear to do anything costing that much money, the Fed is going to instead infuse the markets with $630 billion. A much better number.
  • As we sit through Armageddon, the world waits for the second coming of Jesus who will return to Earth to buy all the bad mortgages.


Buy Buy Buy! Yeah Jesus!

Buy Buy Buy! Yeah Jesus!

NY Times – The End of the World

WashPo – We Must Sell Our Children for Food

Bumpkins Have a Voice Too

This little video shows some fine Kentucky citizens expressing their educated and nuanced position on Obama’s health care plan. Just kidding, it’s a drunken rant on what appears to be a horse. Ha ha ha! America is a land full of dumb billies. Here are some more. These people hate Barack Obama because he is Muslim, or whatever. It really doesn’t even matter. It’s not until the end when the lady screams “Hillary Clinton” that you realize it’s actually part of Clinton’s continuing presidential campaign. How sad.


Corporate Space

Filed under: Random, Science — The Elitist @ 10:39 am

SpaceX has finally launched a shuttle into space. It’s the first time a private company has launched a craft into space. Not to be outdone, Steve Jobs has promised space travel as a feature on the new iPhones.

Wired Science – Falcon 1 Goes to Space

Bristol Palin’s Wedding Registry, We Wish

Filed under: Random — The Elitist @ 10:37 am

Sadly, this isn’t real, but it is funny. This is the supposed registry at JC Penny for Bristol Palin and that weird guy who knocked her up. I particularly like the camouflage bedskirt. 

JC Penny Registry for Bristol and Levi

The First Amendment Protects Freedom

Filed under: Arizona, George W. Bush, Random — The Elitist @ 9:54 am
An Arizona man just got busted for running a whore-house, disguised as a church. John LaVoie claims that this is indeed a church, albeit one in which the “angels” don’t sell sex, but simply comfort the afflicted through the religious act of “laying on of hands.” That’s why they had such Biblical names on their posters throughout the church, such as Oriental Angel who offered “Far East delight.” This man should be given a medal for such profound thinking. If my church offered whores, I would be more ready to go. Besides, we’re familiar with this kind of stuff already. President Bush has been fucking us for years under the guise of religion.


Arizona Star – Laying on of Hands


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