The Elitist

October 31, 2008

NY Times Hearts Pirates

Filed under: Pirates!, Random — The Elitist @ 10:44 am

Ever since Somali pirates boarded a Ukranian ship full of weapons, the New York Times has had an insatiable pirate fetish. Today, they wrote a fun description of the pirate high-life, where pirates roam the streets throwing money around and living large. They also describe how all Somalis want to be pirates these days. After this story, all humans want to be pirates. The Elitist is sad to announce that this fine news source will soon shut down so that all the writers can become pirates.

Still no word, though, on how the pirates will ever beat the ninjas.

NY Times – Pirates!


October 2, 2008

Barack Obama is a Pirate

Filed under: Barack Obama, Pirates! — The Elitist @ 10:59 am




What an absurd claim, you object. But consider this: Obama’s father is from Kenya, which is very close to Somalia. Somalia is currently overrun by pirates, some of whom are caught in a stand off with the world’s largest navies. Thus, Obama is most likely a secret pirate. Why won’t he apologize for his pirate activities?


Seriously, is this any more absurd than the idea that he’s a secret Muslim terrorist trying to infiltrate the American political system?

AP – Pirate Standoff

September 30, 2008

Breaking News: Pirates Want Money

Filed under: Pirates! — The Elitist @ 11:59 am

That liberal MSM rag known as the NY Times got an interview with some probable supporters of Barack Obama – pirates! Obama has clinched that coveted pirate vote. Anyway, these pirates off Somalia’s coast just took over an Ukranian ship loaded with weapons that were probably headed for Sudan. Now they are surrounded by American warships. It turns out, they didn’t even realize that there were weapons on the ship until they took it over (they’re really not very good) and now they explain they just want money. Pirates want money. That just blows my mind.

NY Times – Arrggghhh

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