Election Not Over Yet, Yaaaayyyy!

Our grand election madness still continues, even though all the votes were cast last Tuesday. But fortunately, there is still a Senate race in Georgia because Sen. Saxby Chambliss didn’t get the 50% majority he needed to avoid a run-off in what appears to be a suspiciously European election system. We’ve got our eyes on you Georgia. Hopefully, this will lead to more election madness as leaders of both parties focus all their campaigning attention on this race, because hey, there’s nothing else going on. This could mean more Obama speeches, more McCain grimaces, and more of Palin’s moronic utterances. Cross your fingers America; we’re not done yet.

Politico – GA Senate Race

Sarah Palin Hearts Ted Stevens Again

Now that Sarah Palin has been exiled back to Alaska, she has to try and regain the Alaskan’s love. Everyone there decided that she sucked after she turned all uber-stupid while running for vice president. But Palin know that there is one thing Alaskans adore – their old corrupt cranky politicians. And they loooove Ted Stevens, the oldest, corruptest, crankiest of politicians. Even after seven felony convictions they love Stevens. So Palin is no longer calling for Stevens’ resignation. It’s up to everyone else to figure that out. It turns out opinions were too much for her. What a maverick.

Politico – Palin and Stevens

Sarah Palin Says It’s Not Fair

Sad diva loser Sarah Palin says it’s not fair. Since the election, a lot of shit has come out about Palin’s complete ignorance of the world around her. Like how she didn’t know Africa was a continent, and she didn’t know what countries constituted North America. Well, now the Palin team (how does she still have a team?) is fighting back. Her spokeswoman has been on the TV calling the reports false and laughable. Palin herself called the aides who leaked the story “jerks,” “cowards,” and “bitter.” She has an eloquent answer for everything. Of course, the only reason she’s even fighting back is so that she has a future political career. The only thing that could kill that, is her, and her ignorance. We’re still recovering from the last eight years of stupidity. Americans won’t fall for that again…for a few months at least.

CNN – Palin Fights Back

Putin on the Ritz

Russian “President” Dmitri Medvedev gave a stirring state of the nation address, but we like the part about extending the presidential terms to six years, from four. Rumors are that this will pave the way for Prime Minister, and Russian overlord, Vladimir Putin to make a third term last longer. They say Medvedev has been put in power by Putin in order to pass some constitutional changes that would give Putin more power when he returned to the presidency. So it looks like Putin isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. We’ll just have to hope Sarah Palin is keeping a good eye on them.

NY Times – Putin Keeps Going

We Don’t Have Sarah Palin to Kick Around Anymore

Actually, yes we do. Sarah Palin’s not going anywhere, except Alaska of course. But now that the election is over, we’re learning about what a completely worthless candidate she really was, as if we didn’t know. The infighting between her and the McCain campaign staff was no secret, but it was so much worse than reported. She had gone rogue, and that pissed off the campaign. She had also gotten caught in a prank call by some Canadians. But the campaign also had concerns about her understanding of basic subjects. According to Fox News, Palin had some knowledge deficits such as:

• She didn’t know that Africa was a continent. She thought it was a country.
• She didn’t know what countries were party to NAFTA.
• She threw “temper tantrums” at bad press.
• She refused to prepare for her interviews, which was obvious.

Here’s the video:

Now we know that Sarah Palin is an idiot. This reflects even worse on John McCain though. The sole criteria for selecting a vice president is choosing someone who will be able to replace you in case the worst happens. McCain clearly chose the wrong person. Hell, she didn’t even know what a VP was supposed to do.

So what’s next for Sarah Palin? Rumors are flying. One says that when Sen. Ted Stevens wins, he’ll be kicked out of the Senate, and then Palin will nominate herself in his place. Of course, there is plenty of speculation that she’ll run for president in 2012. Perhaps the funniest bit of news lately, is that the Republican party is soul searching and looking for new ideas. For that, they’re looking to their governors, especially Sarah Palin. No, Palin’s not going away any time soon. There will be plenty of jokes for the future.

NY Times – Infighting

The Telegraph – Road to the Senate

Fox News – GOP’s Future Lies in Palin

Wasilla Goes Crazy on Election Day

That wonderful little chunk of Real America^TM known as Wasilla, Alaska, is all in a tizzy as their old mayor gets ready to lose. How are they going to celebrate this momentous occasion? With booze and guns of course. The National Rifle Association is sponsoring an election party where they will provide alcohol and teach gun safety classes. What could possible go wrong?

Politico – Wasilla Parties

Sarah Palin Understands Racial Discrimination

God, it’s the last day of this election. Can’t we finish this mess without Sarah Palin saying something completely recockulous? When asked by a black man how she could get more minorities to come to her rallies, Palin replied that she and her husband, Todd “The Dude” Palin, know about racial discrimination because they are from Alaska. According to Palin, “We live it.” It was this very discrimination that probably led Todd to join the Alaskan Separatist Party, who bravely wanted to secede from the United States and start a new Civil War. That’s what Real America^TM is all about.

Study Shows Conservatives Have Sense of Humor

HAHAHAHAHA.

A study in Boston found that conservatives have a better sense of humor than liberals. When given jokes, conservatives tended to think they were funnier than liberals did. One explanation is that conservatives are more cheerful than liberals. This makes sense. Any liberal will tell you that the last eight years have left many less than cheerful. Nonetheless, the questions remains, where are all the great conservative comedians? Think about it, there aren’t many. Dennis Miller, Drew Carey, Pat Buchanan…and this list required a Google search. They clearly have more to laugh about (like the plight of the poor), but liberals are definitely funnier. Like this one from David Letterman: “She kept reaching out to Joe Sixpack. That’s because her answers make more sense after six beers.” Get it? Oh man, my sides.

NY Times – Funny Conservatives

Sarah Palin Not Guilty

Hey, remember a while back when an independent Alaskan legislative ethics panel found that Sarah Palin had violated her code of ethics by abusing her power in firing a state trooper? Ha! Well, that wasn’t the final word and Palin was having none of that – particularly the “independent” part. Instead she had the Alaska Personnel Board do its own investigation.  These guys are all appointed by the governor, and guess what? Their boss and benefactor did nothing wrong! And what timing on that report. It came out just before polls opened today. This just shows what a maverick Sarah Palin is; she isn’t bound by ethics or investigations or what-have-you. Actually, she might fit in perfectly in Washington, you betcha’.

NY Time – Palin Cleared by Her Own People

One More Day to the Election

Tomorrow is the big day, the grand finale, the end of time. After 20-something months of waiting, we can finally vote for the next President of the United States. Why are we doing this? Who knows. According to AnalyticNews, Barack Obama has a 100% chance of winning this thing. The McCain campaign has gone done in flames, forever to be remembered as a racist train-wreck, which is sad for a guy who is anything but racist. Sarah Palin is largely known for being hateful and ignorant at the same time, and polls show that she is personally destroying McCain’s numbers. Best of all, now that she’s on the national scene and has a creepy mob-like following, we’ll never get rid of her.

This whole mess ends tomorrow and we’ll all be sad. But don’t worry, there is already speculation about 2012, assuming there is another election. After all, Obama’s brave new U.S.S.A. may utterly destory our democracy with Muslim socialism.

AnalyticNews – Obama at 100%

CNN – Palin Loses for McCain